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I Turned ON All Ubuntu Telemetry.

I did something today that will make certain corners of the internet audibly gasp.

I didn’t disable telemetry.
I didn’t firewall it.
I didn’t put on a tinfoil hat and boot into a Faraday cage.

No.

I installed every Ubuntu data-donation tool
and opted in manually
like a lunatic
with intent.

Yes. Telemetry.
On.
All of it.

Step 1: Installing the “evil” telemetry tool

First, I installed Ubuntu’s main data-donation package:

sudo apt update
sudo apt install ubuntu-report

Then I looked at the data it collects:

ubuntu-report

And what did I see?

  • CPU model
  • GPU model
  • RAM size
  • Screen resolution

Oh no.
My computer… exists.

Step 2: Opting in aggressively

Not satisfied with a passive existence, I explicitly told Ubuntu:

ubuntu-report -f send yes

That’s right.
Not “ask me later”.
Not “maybe”.

YES. SEND IT.

Somewhere, a Canonical server blinked awake like:

“Another one has chosen… participation.”

Step 3: Package usage stats (aka “He installed VLC”)

Next up: popularity-contest.

This reports which packages are installed, not how you use them.

sudo apt install popularity-contest

During install, it politely asks if you want to participate.

I clicked Yes like a villain pressing a red button.

To check it’s alive:

systemctl status popularity-contest

It runs about once a week and basically says:

“User has Firefox. Again.”

Step 4: Crash reporting (because software crashes, shockingly)

Then I enabled Apport, Ubuntu’s crash reporter:

sudo apt install apport

Edit the config:

sudo nano /etc/default/apport

Set:

enabled=1

Then:

sudo systemctl enable apport
sudo systemctl start apport

Now when something explodes, Ubuntu can go:

“Ah. That’s why.”

Instead of:

“Guess we’ll never know.”

Step 5: Confirm I went full chaos mode

To verify I installed everything:

dpkg -l | grep -E "ubuntu-report|popularity-contest|apport"

If all three show up, congratulations—you’ve joined me in telemetry enlightenment.

What Ubuntu actually receives (brace yourself)

  • CPU: yes
  • GPU: yes
  • RAM: exists
  • Installed packages: known
  • Crash stack traces: occasionally

No:

  • Browsing history
  • Files
  • Keystrokes
  • Thoughts
  • Dreams
  • The thing you regret Googling at 3am

Meanwhile, Windows is out here like:

“We noticed you hovered over the Start menu for 2.4 seconds. Are you okay emotionally?”


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